Fingers are a fine way to eat
Fingers are not a lesser way to eat. Many toddlers eat more when they can pick the food up.
Pieces they can hold
Offer pieces that are soft enough for their age and big enough to hold, or soft enough to scoop. Both can be on the same plate.
A soft strip of vegetable and a mash on the same plate lets them choose the hand or the spoon.
Wipe later
Wiping every finger mid-bite interrupts the meal. Wipe at a pause, or at the end.
Mess on a familiar food is still eating. The goal is the food going in, not a clean shirt.
Shapes to avoid
Fingers do not make a hard raw carrot or a whole grape safe. Soft pieces, you sitting there.
If you are unsure a piece is right for their chew, leave it off and ask your child’s doctor.
A sentence you can say
“You can use your hands.”